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[16 Nov 2006|01:11pm] |
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NICOLE RICHIE YOU ARE BONKERS I LOVE YOU
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[22 Mar 2005|09:26pm] |
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just so we're clear the only thing i care about is why it is necessary to have congressional interventions over steroid use in baseball and trying to get nicole richie wasted
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[07 Feb 2005|09:04pm] |
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mood |
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sober :'( |
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eisley - one day i floated away |
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i'm feeding on a steady diet of leftover chinese, fortune cookies, and celery sticks doused in peanut butter. eating celery is supposed to help you burn calories as opposed to putting them on when you eat it but i am sure that by dipping it in a jar of crunchy jif reduces or eliminates any nutritional value it carries. the last time i checked, i was still married, still in a band, still an alcoholic, and nicole richie would like me to come to her house and knock her windows out. i am not sure if there is supposed to be innuendo behind that or not. does anyone know if there is a limit on how many days you should leave crab rangoon and vegetable fried rice in your refridgerator before it becomes disgusting? i have only had it in there since last night. i threw a super bowl party which basically means that i drank a case of corona and half a bottle of vodka and laid in my bed until three am, convinced that someone was walking around my house trying to kill me. i woke up at 8 am and i was still wasted so i had more vodka and smoked a bowl and listened to half of the new eisley album which is really amazing when you are stoned. then again, the only thing that isn't incredible when you are stoned is the real world. everyone just looks like a bigger tool. poor philadelphia, they got dealt the worst cast out of any cast i have ever seen. and i thought hawaii was awful. they should have let that poor alcoholic drink in peace.
i do not believe that i said happy birthday to my wife in the appropriate fashion. so hello shakira happy birthday. thank you for being wonderful enough to make it through a year of marriage with me without divorcing me regardless of the fact that we have probably slept with other people more than we have slept with each other. but that's alright because the only point in getting married is having someone give you direction in life and you direct me constantly. by that i mean that i am pretty much willing to do anything that you ask me to but i guess i also mean it in a positive way. valentine's day is this weekend, i will try to make up for all my shortcomings as a significant other somehow.
in other news, someone tried to overcharge me for newports at a liquor store and i threw a tip jar in their face. it's 9 pm that means it's a perfectly decent time to polish off a bottle of smirnoff.
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[24 Dec 2004|03:20am] |
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HELLO I AM IN JAIL :) HAHAHAHAHA
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| gourmet microwave popcorn? right. |
[21 Dec 2004|01:25am] |
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Bright Eyes - Method Acting |
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i don't know how many times MTV's going to re-air "nick and jessica's family christmas" before they realize that it's cheesed out and awful. i guess in the best possible way, though. everyone has to admit that as much as you hate the girl's stupidity and pity nick lachey, you are all at least a little bit obsessed with them. or maybe this just holds true for me.
my birthday was a week and a half ago. the woman took me to maryland where it was at least a little warmer. i let her drive the subaru for a little bit, half an hour to forty five minutes. it's a four hour drive from long island to baltimore. i have a new favorite restaurant in baltimore. it's a large, family-owned italian place next to the aquarium which is right on the bay. it sits a little on the water with the help of a small deck. from the windows, you can see the museum of american history on the opposite side of the inner harbor or the sailboat docks which are noticeably vacant in mid-december but it makes it easier to enjoy, especially when you're eating the best fettucine alfredo that you can find in the city and sitting across from the person that means the most to you. she hated the city the first time i brought her here but now she is usually the one that suggests driving through jersey and penn and delaware to get here. we're spending christmas in paris. it's growing on me to the point where i think i just might like it more than baltimore when originally i just thought it was overrated.
i'm lying about my music. bright eyes was the soundtrack to my sunday but i've had "i wanna love you forever" on repeat for the past half an hour. i mean it's not really a bad song....
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[08 Dec 2004|12:39pm] |
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tired |
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the smiths - rusholme ruffians |
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according to semagic, tomorrow is my birthday. thank you semagic i would have forgotten, seriously
the trick to christmas shopping is going on weekdays from 8-12 because everyone is either working or in school so they do not shop. but i hate christmas shopping. i hate going to buy my friends or family presents and i see something i like and i think 'hey, i should buy this along with everyone else's presents' but i can't because what if someone bought it for me for christmas? i made that mistake last year when i bought myself new seat covers and a dvd with leftover christmas cash and my mom had to return what she bought for me because i could not wait three weeks to open it. it is real hell having a birthday in december because then everyone tries to pass your birthday gifts off as christmas presents too and you basically get jipped if you really want a ton of presents. i think i cared about that when i was fourteen but i do not care now. Jesus doesnt get anything on christmas aside from the joy of knowing that he died for the sins of all those really hostile people that are swarming around heaven.
speaking of heaven, i was really nervous the other night when they aired the tv movie of mitch albom's the five people you meet in heaven. he wrote tuesdays with morrie and those two books are probably my favorites because there is a lot of elegance in the simplicity of it but i was amazed when they did a pretty outstanding job and jon voight did not totally destroy eddie, but the kid that played eddie in his late teens and early twenties looked like matt damon so i could not really judge his acting because i was too busy staring at him trying to figure out if he was some kind of distant relative.
blah blah blah blah bye
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[30 Nov 2004|02:22pm] |
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triscuits? |
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the shins - caring is creepy |
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the kellogg guy was announced new commerce secretary yesterday and he's already lobbying for cheaper sugar so he can make more profit on frosted flakes, i'm boycotting good cereal.
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| i am not uploading ap icons |
[22 Nov 2004|10:40pm] |
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ugly? |
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ruby soho |
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angelina jolie is back and that is the only reason i am updating. doesn't alexander come out this week? i'm going to see it. i'm mildly disappointed that she only plays his mom because what i really wanted was for her to get naked. for the past couple of weeks, bravo has been playing original sin repeatedly. it is not my favorite, but i like it. gia was even on showtime the other night and i really enjoy watching her seduce men as a seventeen year old supermodel from philly. i bet gia was the only supermodel to ever come out of philly because i don't see a lot of real hot girls from philly. i mean, even the girls they imported to philly for the new season of the real world aren't that hot.
all i have done for the past couple of weeks is read bad biographies of poor historical figures and watch specials on area 51 on the history channel. i think they're starting to get desperate for programming. tonight, they were investigating some cargo ship sinking and what caused it. maybe that is really interesting to some people but it just doesn't do it for me. i only watch things on area 51 because i haven't decided what i think about it yet. i don't think that we are collaborating with aliens to make hybrid airliners but i am starting to think that it's just a place that the government keeps hidden so that spies don't see. i want to step 5 feet into the restricted area and just stand there for a little while to see how long it takes to get shot.
garrett is getting into drinking and driving so let's take a poll on how long it's going to take him before he gets his first DUI. i am going to sit online and see if my wife signs on at some point in time. and on a final note, i had a dream last night that iraq was going to drop a nuclear bomb on the united states but their technology was so bad that they hit canada instead.
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[16 Nov 2004|02:35pm] |
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ow my eye |
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Jay-Z & Linkin Park - Numb/Encore |
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agafdgafdgadgf
the only time straylight run crowds make any noise is when john starts talking about brand new demos.
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| i am very, very stoned |
[13 Nov 2004|02:20am] |
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something about christmas and snow |
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i have a love/hate relationship with the first snow of the season. i guess it looks nice and it means my birthday is coming up but there are far more negatives than positive. for one, it makes me want to spend less time on the beach. i pretty much moved here so i could spend every minute i could strolling up and down the shoreline but i mean if i really wanted that i could move somewhere more to the south but the thing is that i will never have the balls to leave long island, even if it is for someplace like baltimore. baltimore has the inner harbor and it's totally beautiful but it's missing sand and it's swarming with tourists and bad living art groups trying to get you to pay attention to them and if i wanted to relax the last place i'd take a walk in mid-spring would be the inner harbor. at least on long beach it is never swarming in tourists or anything like that because it's pretty much a shithole but it is a shithole where i feel very comfortable.
there is nothing like reading over your entire journal to make you realize what a cockwad you really are. seriously, i think that i have started so many fights with friends and with shakira over the stupidest shit. i don't know why i do it. i think i am just totally insane and paranoid and it's probably because i drink and smoke too much and it has some sort of effect on my nervous system but i won't blame my awful personality on liquor and narcotics. i'll blame genetics instead. just kidding. i don't really think i am that awful considering that i wind up apologizing profusely and meaning it and changing to make sure i don't fight over petty things all the time but i can be an asshole, but who isn't?
i have not hung out with my friends in weeks and that's because i'm completely antisocial. just kidding, i've done plenty of things like go to bars and wait for someone to kick garrett's ass in pool so that he has to pay for a round of drinks. it has only happened four or five times but i like getting drunk on garrett's money. he deleted. i guess i would ask another one to come around but i am willing to bet money that he'd be either a) completely psychotic or b) totally in love with either me jesse or brian and to be honest i would rather not deal with that shit. it isn't like any of us ever paid attention to garrett anyway or like he signed on or updated. who gives a shit i barely noticed he was gone, but it was annoying to have to remove another deleted journal from my friends list. i am still recording an album, apparently. there are rumors that chris carrabba is doing guest vocals but i hope it isn't true because it would just showcase our poor musicianship in comparison to christopher ender carrabba. i would say that i want to go to paris so i could spend another weekend trying to get laid but to be honest i am sick of paris and i want to go somewhere like florence or ireland. it isn't like i'd have to pay for it anyway. i'm fucking ridiculously tired and this was just a poor attempt at curing boredom so i'm sorry if you read this and thought you'd find something interesting to read because it's just not going to happen because as long as i refuse to sign on i'll continue to be boring. hey stop calling 11/11 soco day it's veterans day i think it's really rude but hey that's just me. i guess unless you are michelle nolan because i don't think she'll ever care about anything more than she cares about soco, i think she'd be fine with a nuclear war as long as she could listen to konstantine or walking by through it.
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| if i could understand the lyrics to this song i'd put them here |
[06 Nov 2004|01:36am] |
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like i'll tell you what the song is now. |
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i am not sure why she loves me so much or why she has not dumped me for good. i can tell you why she has dumped me a million times or why i have dumped her a million times and why we argue and cheat constantly but it would probably be viewed as circular reasoning by more than one party and i'm sure i'd offend a few friends in the process so i won't even bother going there. i pretty much constantly make myself look and feel like the biggest jackass on the planet for doing and saying certain things and i am sure she thinks that i am a jackass but that is alright as long as she doesn't leave me for it. we do not argue anymore and if we do it is because i make her argue because i'm bored and it never lasts longer than ten minutes which i'm sure to most of you isn't even a real argument but whatever i'll take what i can get and i'm not going to revert to making posts about her being a slut unless she dumps me. i can tell you what brought this entire paragraph on, too. but i won't.
in the midst of the excitement over the world series you all overlooked a much more important event: the last full lunar eclipse until 2007. how could you? i watched it from the beach even though it was as cold as all fuck and i thought my balls were going to fall off, but a lunar eclipse is so worth it and if you're drunk enough you really don't care how cold it is and i am always drunk enough. drinking is what i do while everyone else in my band is challenging women of selective age groups to games of pool at friends' bars and while i am ignoring jesse just for the sake of ignoring jesse. and when i'm drunk i am very fascinated by space and the moon and the lunar eclipse. like right now, i am really drunk, actually too drunk to talk about the lunar (i almost said nuclear, i guess that is habit while bush is in office) eclipse. i was really tired from spending a night out in the freezing cold while sober so i decided instead of sleeping i'd just binge drink and smoke a bowl and the result is the lack of mental capacity to stay on subject, but on the way home tonight i saw a group of shooting stars i was really fascinated. and i would be outside seeing if i could find anymore but it actually started snowing at some point in time tonight and hasn't stopped yet so i'm going to drink until i pass out and write God a thank you letter for incredible spell check programs.
oh and i realized why i hate using semagic and why i hate the latest update journal page on the website. it's really difficult for me to update when i am staring at one of my icons in the bottom corner of the page because then all i can do is concentrate on is wondering how anyone could be this ugly.
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[03 Nov 2004|12:49pm] |
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hopped up on the q |
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I WOULD PUNCH EVERY BEE IN THE FACE |
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dan told me if i ever wanted to break up with shakira i just had to headbutt her in the tits.
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[28 Oct 2004|05:27pm] |
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guys curt schilling wants me to vote for bush and i'm completely horrified.....shakira is right if kerry doesnt win i am not updating for six weeks, not out of laziness but because i intend on putting myself into a coma and sharing a bed with jesse bye
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[26 Oct 2004|02:39am] |
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usher and alicia - my boo |
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next time i'm just going to copy passages from the bible and pass it off as my updates because that's the new in thing to do.
i don't remember the last time i wrote an update that wasn't a one liner. well, garrett is gone. i thought about slitting my wrists over it but then i realized i never talked to him anyway so why waste a pint of blood over that? basically my social life has been reduced to being dragged to awful straylight shows by jesse and being dragged to la perla on weekends with shakira. she never buys anything, i mean it would be a positive thing if she did but she just takes me there to remind me that we are married and that means that we split the bills and she doesn't have to put out anymore. i am thinking about getting a divorce just so i can get my sex life back. the subaru is alright occasionally but i don't want to rely on that. it's like having sex with jesse. hahahahaha sorry i couldn't stop myself.
we have not had a significant argument in over two months. i mean we have stupid fights over things like who didn't clean what but what i really mean is that we haven't tried to dump each other for awhile. i actually did think about what it would be like if i tried to break up with her again for any reason and i got nauseous. it was like i hadn't smoked a newport in months and someone took away my colt 45 at the same time. i wonder if this is a good or bad thing. actually, i don't care. i am glad we haven't argued or cheated on each other yet this fall and hopefully we can make it to at least my birthday before we indulge in awful behavior again.
and i fucking hate october and i hate baseball and it's fucking cold.
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[11 Oct 2004|01:56am] |
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bye christopher reeve :'(
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[06 Oct 2004|12:30am] |
i have tried very hard not to dwell on this and not to try to find reasons why you'd ever think that i would do something like try to attatch myself romantically to someone that you're in love with, especially when i am married to the most beautiful woman i have ever seen in person. the only thing i can come up with is that you'd think that i want payback for the times when you tried really hard to date her, but even that doesn't make sense. i guess all i have to say is that it really pisses me off that you'd even think for a minute that i'd do that because i think i've put my best foot forward as far as being a friend to you is concerned. so, you know what. fuck it.
i had something intelligent to say but it's not the time to get into it. so, i guess i'll update again later this week.
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